4 Convincing Reasons To Avoid Being A stay Home Mom At All Costs
Being a mother is a difficult task, but being a stay home mom, or a stay-at-home mom, whatever you want to call it is the most difficult task on the planet.
Like most moms of young children, a stay home mom stays up all night, (colic, feeding, name it), goes through the misery of waking up very early to get kids ready for school and of course, gets hubby ready as well. After dropping off kids, the little one who stays at home demands their undivided attention. It is as if someone is paying her not to give you a break. You can hardly shower, fix for her something to eat, let alone do anything sensible around the house.
Guess what, before you know it, its 3 pm, and you have to rush to pick the kids, or they are walking in the door if they take the bus. When you take a quick glance around you, you realize that the house is like a dungeon! Even worse, there is no decent meal for the family and you are TOTALLY exhausted.
At times such as these, your respect and love for your mom soars! You begin to wonder how she raised about a dozen of you and always seemed to be on top of things and even maintain her smile. How did a stay home mom of those days manage? Why did they make it seem effortless?
Being A Stay Home Mom is The Most Challenging Calling And It should be avoided.
Am I illusioned? Why do I think that working moms(running a business or a job) have it on a silver platter? Am I a moron not to realize that on top of all these aforementioned factors, working moms have to put up with additional demands at the office?
Luckily for stay home moms, they can take a quick nap during the day to compensate for those lost hours of sleep. Isn't it common knowledge that most working moms are disoriented all day long, fatigue is killing them and they are barely surviving on a concentrated mug of coffee? But most importantly, how does one put a price tag on those missed milestones- the smiles, first steps, first words etc?
Here is why:
Because of a myriad of factors, money can be a very big issue for stay home moms and their relationships. For instance, some women, especially those who were earning before feel embarrassed to ask. Some feel guilty spending the money they are not earning. Yes, there are women who cannot just accept handouts even if their partners are very generous. Of course, the situation is compounded further for those with mean partners.
A stay at home mom needs her own money to do her own things without being questioned about her spending all the time. Of course, we cannot forget that most families in North America cannot easily get by on one income. This financial stress is not healthy for a relationship.
This, in part is the very reason most stay home moms venture into different work from home jobs and businesses although very few succeed with this model. On the other hand, when a working mom receives her pay check, that sense of accomplishment, especially if she manages to pay off a few bills is priceless!
2). Adult Stimulation/Interaction
A stay-at-home mom soon discovers that her constant companions are these little buddies. Although she can occasionally meet other moms at the park or go for play dates, the conversation always revolves around kids and cartoon TV shows.
Not many adults are okay with this.
Unsurprisingly, this lack of adult interaction drains the relationship. Why? Because when the partner finally comes home, he might not be interested in any kind of talk. Maybe he has had a long day and if you have been in a relationship for any amount of time, you already know that most men prefer dealing with their problems alone. This loneliness, day in day out can lead to depression. Do you see how a working mom is different? After the crazy morning and night, she can always engage in meaningful conversations with her colleagues.
3). Self Worth
While raising children is the most noble jobs of all, most stay at home moms don’t feel that way probably because it is not quantifiable. Most stay at home moms feel guilty for not making any significant contribution-in their view. For some, staying at home to raise kids after spending those sleepless nights in grad school doesn’t really make sense.
And of course, let us not forget these lingering "what if" questions: What if my partner is no longer able to provide for us? What if the relationship goes sour? Where do I start from?
Questions such as these can never allow most stay-at-home moms to have peace.
4). Lack of Appreciation
This is probably the most challenging of all. When you get the sense that they are wondering what this stay at home mom was doing all day long, resentment begins to build up. Although some might not verbally articulate it, their body language usually betrays them. And in all fairness, there is not much evidence of what you did all day long. Only a person who has been in your shoes can understand.
On the contrary, if you are both working, when you come home, depending on the family dynamics, you tend to share responsibilities. There is no blame game (at least no one should blame one another).
I could go on and on articulating numerous challenges of a stay home mom. Though one might argue that some are not rational, it does not really matter so much because the effects are real and they keep these women restless.
How To Thrive As A Stay-at-Home Mom
Despite my strong leanings on this issue, I am very well aware that at times; it is inevitable to become a stay home mom. How does one stay sane in this role? How do real women do it?
As a veteran who has walked a mile in all shoes—I was working full-time before my boys were born and I became a stay home mom for a good number of years after their birth.
I must emphasize that through my experience, women who decide to stay home, for a life time, must have a heart of gold. I honestly do not know how they do it. This is the very reason I worked part-time at one point, ventured into a number of home business ideas for women, went to grad school, and eventually worked full-time when my boys were in school full time.
My intention is not to pass judgement. I can only speak from my own experiences. If you are a happy a stay home mom and the model is working for you, then keep doing what you are doing.The benefits are great.
However, if you are like me and several other moms who are unable to follow this noble calling, stop feeling guilty. Instead, start working out a plan on what to do. It is a tough calling to be a lifetime stay home mom and very few can happily and joyfully do it. Don't beat yourself.